I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
