Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
