Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
