How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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