I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
