If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
