I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
