we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
