Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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