Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
