1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
