someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
