Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He felt like a one man threesome
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
