I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
