maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
