Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
