Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
