I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
