Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Still dying that you shit outside
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
