Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
