Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
