....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
