Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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