Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You are the jesus of drinking
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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