my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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