I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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