Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am spending my child support on dildos
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
