she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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