i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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