there's paper in my vomit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
