Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
