I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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