The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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