I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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