i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh god it's open bar.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
