Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Houston, we have a squirter
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
