Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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