Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
