Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
