You smell like a Billy Joel song
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
