last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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