The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
