I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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