I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
