atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
