I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize