3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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