are you so shy because you have an std?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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