i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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