dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
