I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
