I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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