Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
