just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
