I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
