I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
