You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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