I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
