You're completely useless in the revolution.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
