After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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