I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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