Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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