I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
