was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
