Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
