i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
