They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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