i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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