He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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