OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
