In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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