dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
