Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
