It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why are your pants in the freezer?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
