I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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